Bert is an angry pervert puppet, who has a lifelong dream of winning the most boring person in the world award, but keeps losing to Ben Stein. Bert lives with his "best friend" Ernie, who is a lazy freeloader who lives off of Bert's money. Bert secretly has a homicidal side to him which he keeps secret for that will certainly make him lose the most boring person in the world award. Bert's social life consists of Ernie, his nephew, and his cat. (until the big mistake)
Bert graduated from Princeton University with a master's degree in teaching. With big dreams of becoming a teacher, he went of to apply for a job at Henson High School in Seasame Street. Bert become the English teacher. Sadly for Bert he was so boring no one wanted to be in his class. Bert had no friends, every student hated him, and one student even committed suicide when he found out he had to repeat Bert's class. Eventually Principal Big Bird told Bert he was too boring and had to be fired. Bert then made his lifelong dream to win the award of most boring person in the world. One day Bert decided a boring book he should check out to read was a book on how to build a rubber duck. After Bert had checked out the book he went to order water at McDonald's. When he was in line he met his future best friend and archenemy Ernie. At first Bert hated Ernie and wanted to stab him in the liver, but he eventually grew to like him and hate him slightly less.
Bert vs. Ernie
One day before going on a fishing trip with Ernie, Bert's cat was meowing at night keeping him up. So Bert, in an angry rage (which he couldn't control sometimes) grabbed his cat and stuffed it in the freezer. The next morning Bert opened his freezer to let his cat out and then discovered his feline friend was dead. Bert was depressed. Bert held in his tears for it would be too exciting for him to cry. Bert and Ernie then went on their boat to go fishing. On this fateful trip Ernie mentioned to Bert that it was his own fault that his cat had died. Bert then decided that he has had enough of Ernie and would murder him. Ernie begged for his life but Bert decided that he was going to stab Ernie to death. First he'd stab him in the arms, then the legs, and then he'd stab his liver. To which Ernie replied "I've never had my liver stabbed before." As Bert was getting ready to plan his murder sheriff Shark overheard him and told him that he was not allowed to stab Ernie. Bert's day was ruined. Ernie laughed at him.