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"Y U NO LEIK MEH PIE!"
– Squidward

ʸᵒᵘᵀᵘᵇᵉ ᴾᵒᵒᵖ Crustacean Resurrection Redemption

ʸᵒᵘᵀᵘᵇᵉ ᴾᵒᵒᵖ Crustacean Resurrection Redemption

Crustacean Resurrection Redemption is a YTP by NPCarlson. It has about 40k views.

Story

In the beginning, it shows an entry theme that marks the decline of Mr. Krabs. When the YTP begins, closing time at the happens at 8:30, in which the training video gets mad because it is supposed to happen at 6:00. Squidward then states he has a "hot date with Mr. Tortellini".

Squidward then buys a few bomb pies for an unknown reason and sells them to DEUUEAUGH Fish.

The pie in question then poisons Mr. Krabs, who is then taken to the hospital. In an alternate scene, Mr. Krabs is shot dead by SpongeBob with a shotgun, much to Squidward's shock, as the latter intended to torture the crab and not kill him. Later at the hospital, Mr. Resetti arrives to take him, but not before bragging about how quick he had sex and even making a racist statement about Davy Jones.

He decides to give him another chance, and revives him on the condition that he "never reset". Then, the French Narrator becomes drunk and horny, which transitions into Spongebob and Squidward in a car. SpongeBob drives irrationally and crashes.

Meanwhile, back at the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob and Squidward are going through Mr. Krabs' stuff when he returns, alive and well

Mr. Krabs then accused the two of "trying to kill him over a little new-age managment", to which Squidward tries to pin the blame on SpongeBob. SpongeBob said that it was all Squidward's fault, opening a flip pad that shows the chocolate fish screaming "SCHOKOLADE!". This only confuses Squidward, but SpongeBob is able to bring up the correct flashback, showing the two of them plotting to murder Mr. Krabs before coming into his office with the shotgun.

Despite this, Mr. Krabs confesses that he's spent his whole life "touching children", but has decided to go straight and become the new nunchuk champion, Mr. Cheep Cheep.

With his new outlook on life, Mr. Krabs becomes more generous with his money, giving his customers toys, and even letting them watch movies while eating their meals. This new outlook leads to him having only 10,000 dollars, which turns out to be just enough to pay off his credit card bills. Realizing what's happening, he soon freaks out and nearly tears a man's army off for a penny.

This action then causes Resetti to appear again, this time with the intent of putting Mr. Krabs in his pocket. At this point, SpongeBob stands up for Mr. Krabs and attempts to vouch for him with some unintelligible babbling.

As a test of Mr. Krabs' character, Resetti offers him a choice between keeping SpongeBob or taking all the money the mole has in his butt. Mr. Krabs takes the money, leaving SpongeBob to be taken to the pit.

Squidward, who is genuinely shocked and disgusted, tells Krabs to go fuck himself for selling out SpongeBob. Despite the crab declaring he doesn't want SpongeBob back, Resetti returns and drops off the sponge anyway.

After a brief apology to SpongeBob, Krabs then asks the sponge if he could've gotten more money from Resetti, but SpongeBob replies that he got everything he deserved. After sharing a laugh, the story portion of the video ends.

But this is not the end of the video, as Tom and the rest of the cast decide to sing the "Pie" song from Family Guy to wrap things up.

Transcript

(The intro plays)

Painty the Pirate: Are you ready, kids?!

(Born Again starts playing)

Singer: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Find myself looking into the mirror, knew I wasn't who I wanted to be! I was living life the way that I wanted, but my eyes reminded me I'm not free! I need to lasso everything that I know! Says I gotta go, I'm tired of going solo! But I'm never gonna go there again. This is what it is, this is who I am, this is where I'm gonna take my stand! I didn't want to fall, but I don't have to call! I'm not the one to start hands! Giving him the best of, everything that's left of, the love inside this man! I was born again! I was born again!

(As the song plays, a montage of Mr. Krabs plays. Cut to the Krusty Krab. The title card "Crustacean Resurrection Redemption" is shown.)

Narrator: Closing time at the Krusty Krab. Where it will be closing time right- haha, WRONG!

Narrator, SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs: Closing time!

Singer: Closing time!

Mr. Krabs: The worst-

Squidward: Time of the-

SpongeBob: Day!

Squidward: Eight o'clock!

Narrator: WRONG! The store closes at six.

(SpongeBob falls down repeatedly while sobbing.)

Squidward: (Throws his hat aside) So long, motherf*ckers!

SpongeBob: (Finds pie under grill) Ew, hard.

Squidward: I've got a hot date with a little lady, and her name is Mr. TORTELLIIIIIIII!

GLaDOS-Bob: There, there, little one. Your journey is almost over. (He throws the pie into Squidward's face, blowing up the Krusty Krab)

Mr. Krabs: What happened?! (He is surprised and rubs his eye stalks) Sus! (He rubs them again, then picks up the pie)

Pinch-O-Matic: Pinch-O-Matic s*x. F*ck you, b*tch.

SpongeBob: I found that under the grill.

Mr. Krabs: And one day, a customer will find it under his butt.

(Squidward complains)

PIrate Captain: Heave, ho! The Mighty Boosh!

Squidward: Those uh, homemade pies sure look bad!

Pirate: These aren't homemade. They're a bomb factory.

Squidward: I wanted to buy one.

Pirate: A BOMB f*cktory.

Fry: Shut up and take my money!

Pirate: They're bombs.

Squidward: TRUS!

Pirate Captain: That'll be twenty f*cks up your booty!

Squidward: So what flavor is it?

Tom: Chocolate?!

ASDF Guy: Pie flavored.

Pirate: They're bombs!

(Cut to Squidward serving Fred a very smelly pie)

Squidward: Here you are, sir, one homemade pie fresh from the manure field.

Fred: (Sniffs it) DEAUGH!

Mr. Krabs: Well, I knew this was coming!

Squidward: Y U NO LIEK MAH PIE?

SpongeBob: I hope my ugliness distracts you.

Patrick: Don't worry about him, SpongeBob, he's just gay.

SpongeBob: I've been waiting for you, Patrick!

(Cut to next scene)

SpongeBob: What are you doing in there, Patrick?

(Cut to Patrick crapping violently)

SpongeBob: Barnacles, Patrick, what did you eat?!

(Cut to Nat and Rosen watching the video)

Rosen: I think it's funny.

Nat: Yeah, well I didn't think it was so funny!

Mr. Krabs: We haven't had a customer in thirty six days!

Squidward: Have you la-lost your sh*t?! It's that pie you keep trying to sus! It's a bomb!

Mr. Krabs: A bomb? That's nonsus. Bring it here, SpongeBomb.

(SpongeBob pulls it out)

Mr. Krabs: Why is it in a cage?

SpongeBob: I dropped it in the toilet!

Mr. Krabs: You two would have never have lasted in the navy.

Squidward: NOT THE NAVY!

Mr. Krabs: Now I'm going to get rid of it once and snividig rigidig snividig rigidee-

(He bites it and winds up in the hospital. Cut to the SpongeBob gang dancing with the Dumb Ways to Die gang)

Singer: Dumb Ways to Die LIKE A BOSS! So many Dumb Ways to Die LIKE A BOSS! Dumb Ways to Die-ie-ie LIKE A BOSS! So many Dumb Ways to Die! Chop your balls off and DIE LIKE A BOSS!

(Alternate scene)

SpongeBob and Squidward: Oh! Mr. Krabs, Mr. Krabs! Look what we got! (They shoot him dead)

Squidward: SpongeBob, what have you done?!

SpongeBob: I did exactly what you said, Squidward!

Squidward: You were supposed to torture Mr. Krabs, not KILL HIM...

Doctor Fish: Well-well-well, Mr. gay Krabs, you gave us quite the gay-gay-gay.

Mr. Krabs: So I'm gonna be o-

Doctor Fish: Gay.

Mr. Krabs: Doc?

Doctor Fish: Well, let's just check your krabs. Krabs. Me.

Mr. Krabs: Everything okay, doc?

Doctor Fish: Can't touch me! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

Patrick: I have to touch you!

SpongeBob: How's this? (Holds up Krusty Krab Funfair sign)

Mr. Krabs: That's not a good sus.

Resetti: (Laughs)

Mr. Krabs: Oh, no! It's Resetti!

Resetti: Eugene Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: I'm not Eugene Krabs! I'm my original character, Harold! Harold, um, Krabs!

Resetti: I only had sex for thirty seconds! I must have c*m.

(Intermission)

Resetti: So, Mr. Krabs, ya thought you could fool Resetti!

Mr. Krabs: What do you want?!

Resetti: I'm here to rescue D*C D*C D*C!

Mario Head: Ear r*pe is fun! TRY IT! Hey, where'd everybody go?

Resetti: I'm gonna escort you to the home of all bad undersea f*ckers! Actually, I'm just gonna eat you. Davy Jones is a n*gger.

Mr. Krabs: I'm not a crab!

Resetti: But you reset! And resetting is a terrible thing.

Narrator: Two meanwhiles later. ...hhhuhhh...

SpongeBob: Backing up... Backing up...

Fred: My leg!

Squidward: Gimme the wheel, SpongeBob, give me the wheel!

SpongeBob: Backing up, BACKING UP!

(SpongeBob and Squidward scream)

Resetti: Ge-ge-get in!

Mr. Krabs: No! Not into the pit!

Resetti: Come on, Krabs. Show me a little d*ck. But you must always save. Never reset!

Mr. Krabs: Ya ha ha ha-

(He falls back into the world of the living)

Squidward: Mr. Krabs' toenail clippings! I shall give them to the ducks.

SpongeBob: Squidward, I got diarrhea.

Squidward: SpongeBob, go use your own bathroom. I told you what the doctor ordered.

SpongeBob: Who's the doctor?

The Doctor: Have you gone bananas?

King Louie: (Laughs) Now I'm the king of the swingers, oh, the jungle p*nis. I've reached the top and had to stop and had to stop and had to stop and- I wanna be a man! The king of other men! Chewbacca chewbacca chewbacca chewbacca! Now don't f*ck with me, Mr. Squidward! I'm tired of the f*cking around! Ha ho! Scooby-Doo!

Scooby-Doo: Roo?

King Louie: I got boobies!

Squidward: Now keep quiet so I can hear the tumblers in his nose.

Mr. Krabs: Ahoy!

(SpongeBob and Squidward scream)

SpongeBob: You're a lie!

Mr. Krabs: I'm alive! I'm feeling so alive!

SpongeBob: Isn't this too good to be true?! Isn't this a lie!

Mr. Krabs: So, you tried to kill me over a little new aged management, eh?

Squidward: it's SpongeBob's fault.

SpongeBob: But you told me to give it to him!

Squidward: I never said that!

SpongeBob: Lies! Sure you did, Squidsquid. Look!

German Tom: Schokolade? Schokolade?! Schokolade! SCHOKOLADE! SCHOKOLADE!

Squidward: What is this?!

SpongeBob: Sorry.

Squidward: Well, if he wants to die, I say we give it to him. Know what I mean?

SpongeBob: Oh, I know what you mean.

SpongeBob and Squidward: Oh, Mr. Krabs, Mr. Krabs! Look what we got!

SpongeBob: See?! You told me to give it to him!

Squidward: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, YOU BUTTHEAD!

Mr. Krabs: Oh, never mind that. The point is, sus, my whole life has been about touching children.

(Cut to the Strangler and Nat watching the video)

Nat: Think that's funny, huh?!

Mr. Krabs: But no moar! You're looking at the nunchuck champion, Mr. Cheep Cheep!

Singer: Celebrate good times like a bomb!

Mr. Krabs: Hello, little one! Whatcha got there?

Monroe: A Krabby Patty.

Mr. Krabs: No, silly! I mean your d*ck!

Demon: Oh, oh, that dutthead!

(To the tune of "N*gger N*gger N*gger")

Mr. Krabs: Hello, little one! Whatcha got there?

Monroe: Gee! F*ck you, Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: Children!

(Cut to next scene)

Mr. Krabs: Hello, boy! Say, where's Squidward?

SpongeBob: Oh, he's taking a sh*t in your office.

Mr. Krabs: Great!

Fish: Excuse me, proper Krab, could I get another one?

SpongeBob: Yes, sir.

Mr. Krabs: Show's over, cheapskate!

Squidward: Eugene!

Mr. Krabs: Squidbill! How's the break coming? C*mming.

Squidward: Nice.

Mr. Krabs: Sure.

SpongeBob: Oh my gosh! A floating shopping list! AAAAAHHHHHH!

Mr. Krabs: Are you enjoying your movie?

Narrator: 28 Days Later.

Mr. Krabs: Look at all those happy freeloaders. It sure does feel good to be bad.

Squidward: Here's your mail, you d*ckhead.

Mr. Krabs: Thanks, Squidward. I knew I could count on you. Credit card bills: 10,000 dollars. That's not so good. Hey, there's only 10,000 dollars in here. I'll just subtract 10,000 from 10,000. Ha ha ha. Eight?! F*cking stupid calculator! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Squidward: Well, well, well, Mr. Krabs, you total sh*t!

Mr. Krabs: You mean I'm awake?! (He screams)

(Happy starts playing)

Rosen: Quick! Get out! Get out of here!

Mr. Krabs: Get out! Everybody get out! You're spoiling me moment! Unhand that penny or the arm comes off!

Resetti: Aha! That little display of parsimonious-phony-p*nis-pocket-pinching just earned you a nice little spot in my pocket. Get in!

Squidward: You almost tore a man's penny.

Mr. Krabs: Squidward, you c*ck.

SpongeBob: Wait just a motherf*cking second!

Resetti: Who dares insult me mother?!

(SpongeBob babbles unintelligibly)

Resetti: What're you trying to say?!

SpongeBob: Krab! This Mr. Krabs is the most skin-flinted non-hearted crab in-

Mr. Krabs: I'm not Eugene Krabs!

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!

Resetti: He'd sell your soul for a couple of pockets.

SpongeBob: I have no soul.

Resetti: F*ck yourself. If you had to choose between SusBob and all the money I have in my butt, which would you take?

(The Jeopardy theme plays)

Mr. Krabs: I'll take the money.

Resetti: Here you go, Krabs.

(He gives Mr. Krabs the money and takes SpongeBob away as Squidward watches in horror. The credits roll)

Squidward: Mr. Krabs, I can't beli-li-li-li- but f*ck you, you stuck-up crab!

(Mr. Krabs is shocked)

Squidward: Go f*ck yourself!

Mr. Krabs: I don't want SpongeBob back!

(Resetti brings SpongeBob back)

Resetti: F*ck him.

(Resetti leaves)

Mr. Krabs: Think I could have gotten more?

SpongeBob: You got everything you f*cking deserved, you p*ick!

(They all laugh)

(The End)

Patrick: This is the end.

SpongeBob: No, it's not, Patrick. I'm the leader! I'll say yes when it's the end.

Squidward: I baked you a pie.

Tom: Did somebody say pie?! Ha-ha-ha-ha! It's a wonderful day for pie!

Weasel: Pie!

Tom: You can ask all the birds in the sky!

Weasel: Pie.

Tom: And they'll tell you real sweet, with a musical tweet...

Bird: It's a wonderful day for pie!

The Mane Six: For pie!

NPCARLSSON: Why is My Little Pony in everything?

Chorus: For pie!

Soldier: Spy!

Chorus: For pie!

Tom: It's a wonderful day for pie.

Mario Head: Pizza pie!

Squidward: And it smells a lot better than I!

Fred: DEAUGH!

Chrous: We all sing with glee, 'cause we all agree, it's a wonderful, wonderful, day, for, pie!

(Thanks for watching!)

Mr. Krabs: Who's playing Squidward's records again?!

Strangler: I AM!

NPCARLSSON: That is all.

Trivia

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