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Donkey telling you how to get your dream girl

"This'll be fun. We'll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning… I'm making waffles!"
– Donkey

Donkey (better known just as Shrek's horse) is a donkey from the movie "Shrek" (you guessed it again!!). He made buttfucking and oral sex legal in Shrek's swamp and made laws banning any non-ogres or donkeys from being able to eat, sleep, or breathe on Gamelon land, calling Gamelon 'a strict lace only for ogres or donkeys'.

Birth and Early Life

Donkey was born in 952 to Bill Donkey and Hillary Donkey in Detroit, Michigan. Growing up his parents would abuse him and call him things such as 'faggot', 'cunt', and 'shrine-ass'. At the age of five he and his parents moved to Far Far Away for a fresh start after Donkey's grandpa attempted to rape him. During this time, Donkey became fascinated with fascist leaders such as Barack Obama, and Leonardo Da Vinci. In school, he was bullied by multiple villagers that were classmates of his, he was a loner and was stuck by himself during non-class periods, many people have stated that this was the reason why he had a strong disdain for Ludoc villagers. Donkey attended Shithead's High School, majoring in Politics while minoring in yoga. During his high school years he started to have an interest for young children, dreaming about one young boy, Prince Charming for many years.

Child Rape Career, Early Politics

After graduating in 968, he began raping young children in return for candy. He drove around in a green wagon with a green ogre cock on the back. His first victim was Prince Charming, he saw Charming pull up to his rape wagon thinking he was the ice cream man. Donkey immediately threw Charming in the wagon and started unzipping his pants. He then rubbed Charming's penis for 3 minutes before sticking his ogre cock in his mouth. After Charming started screaming for help, he punched him in the forehead and left him on the road.

His second victim was a girl named Little Red Hood, who he noticed after she bent over to pick up a piece of candy she dropped. Donkey was immediately attracted to her, and after her mom left to go to the restroom, he grabbed her from her back and started to take her pants off. Donkey then pissed in her mouth for 45 minutes until her mom came out. Donkey was caught in dead sight by Red Hood's grandmother and with no other choice he took his .45 caliber and shot both Red Hood and her grandmother and drove off. Donkey stopped his child raping career after wanting to get into politics. During the 1092 election, Donkey originally wanted to run as the newly established Chancellor of Duloc, but decided against it feeling as if it was a waste of time. During the election, Donkey picked republican Gingerbread Man over independent John Farquaad. After Farquaad's win, Donkey announced his disappointment over the results, calling the election unfair and thought that Farquaad's win was a scandal. He said that one day he would get revenge on Farquaad and would make him pay for his win.


In 1099, Donkey began a friendship with Shrek with raping the villagers of Duloc as protest against Chancellor Farquaad's win. He raped and killed a total of twenty-seven villagers in a span of three weeks. After this, he started killing villagers who pledged allegiance to Farquaad. Over seventy people were killed which caused Farquaad to react quickly, declaring to have both Shrek and Donkey and the rest of Hyrule. This first war took place in 1100, Farquaad and his troops were quickly winning the war, with troops being sent throughout Shrek's domain. Donkey decided to expand his troops from 500 to 98,000, and bought more weaponry from the Salesman. After this, he went on a killing spree, killing 500 people in the process. This day became known as 11-1 due to the day it started. Donkey then bombed a Thanksgiving feast held by the villagers which limited them down to 38 troops, 35 villagers, and Chancellor Farquaad. On March 6, 1600, Donkey killed the remaining troops and villagers and defeated Farquaad and Drek, after taunting and pissing on his body, before the midget escaped along with Drek using a smoke bomb.

Supreme Chancellor of Duloc (1600-1880)

After the war, Donkey was met with a high demand from the Supreme Court, wanting a death sentence for his crimes, Donkey thought this was bullshit and shot up the Supreme Court, killing everybody there. On the 31 of March, 1600 Donkey became the 2nd Supreme Chancellor of Duloc.

Donkey's first law was that anybody involved with the villagers of Duloc will be executed at all costs. Over twenty people disobeyed Donkey's rule and were buttfucked and shot under his orders.

On May 31, 1600, Donkey announced his running mate, Puss in Boots to be Vice Chancellor. Puss in Boots was an extreme democrat, but pretended to be republican to please Donkey.

On April 4, 1880 Donkey announced that any non-ogre or donkey would be euthanized and buttfucked by the new Supreme Court.