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Zelda Harkinian
Full Name
Background Information
Nationality Hyrule Elf
Alignment Varies
Source Legend of Zelda
Sexual Orientation Bisexual
Physical Description
Species Hylian
Gender Female
Age 18
Hair Color
Fur Color
Feather Color
Eye Color
Breast Size
Power Level
Family King Harkinian (father)
Friends Impa
Enemies Duke Onkled
Date Joined

''You got to be kidding''

Princess Zelda is the princess and daughter of the King of Hyrule. Despite being smarter and more competent than her game counterpart, she does not bear the Triforce of Wisdom, which Impa possesses instead. The reasons for this are unknown.


Zelda often shows herself to be more rational and competent than King Harkinian and Link. Unfortunately, she's also often the one who has to put up with their antics, making her quite bitter towards them.

Despite being disappointed with Link's gullibility and whining, she loves Link and Link loves her back. When Mario Head blew up Link, Zelda summoned Mega Man to destroy Mario Head. Link and Zelda have gone on several dates together.

Although Link saved Zelda's ass from Ganon, she never thanked him, so Link sent her to hell and looked for another, more grateful girlfriend.

Powers and Abilities

Zelda has almost no special powers, save for using chains to tie up Ganon. She, like Link, is excellent at swordplay and will not hesitate to threaten characters with her sword.


Zelda was born on October 10, 1342 to King Harkinian and her (unnamed mother), who named Zelda because that was gonna be her planned named as a baby, when she was half a year old, her father suffered from aids diagnoses making her grandmother Cynthia take care of her, after Cynthia died, her father King Harkinian lived with her again.


In first grade, she visited high school, during a field trip, during that time she criticized some tenth grade girls there, to which they responded by raping her in the hallway, causing her to cry.

She met Link, in high school, a Hylian with several mental problems and an addiction to LSD, to boot. Zelda graduated from the High School and went to Wumbo University but later was expelled after getting her dorm trashed and turned into a meth lab. The cause of this, Saul Goodman, has yet to comment.

The Psychopath

In 1363, Link visited Morshu's shop to greet him, however Link's bipolar disorder flared up again and he beat up Morshu with a baseball bat, the proceeded to set Morshu's shop on fire, committing arson and killing him. Link laughed like a psycho and escaped from the place. Zelda, who was absolutely livid, began to look for him armed with a flamethrower. She and the F.B.I found him drunk, stoned and naked under a bridge during midnight. Zelda had Link involuntarily committed to a psychiatric hospital for the rest of his life.

Zelda after killing an innocent

The Epic Adventure

Zelda heard about the new warrior who would save Hyrule from Ganon and his minions. Unfortunately for her she learned that the hero was the same lunatic who burned Morshu's Shop. Then with no choice, Zelda gave Link an overpowered book that only required one well-aimed throw to defeat Ganon for good.

Then after Ganon's defeat and his lair having been destroyed by Gay Luigi's army, Zelda congratulated Link, gave him a cigarette pack and some cocaine for him and Gwonam... and a peck on the cheek.

Perverted mind

As well as being arrogant and often having to be corrected, Zelda began a new and pervert personality for unknown reasons. She was accused of raping children and little dogs in her dungeons with different sex tools. Link was too a victim of her perversions but he enjoys it.

Zelda Incites the player to kill

She once made a dating video where she went into graphic detail about how she likes to be fucked, but the video was taken off of Youtube as the viewer could see her masturbate on the camera.

TL;DR: Zelda is the #1 sex-crazed woman of all time.

Daily Life

Most of Zelda's responsibilities are trying to talk her father and Link out of their stupid ideas and then cleaning up after them. She was appointed most of the tasks of ruling Hyrule when her father was deemed too incompetent.


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