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Sonic the Hedgehog
Full Name Sonic The Hedgehog
Aliases Spiky-blue Douchebag
Background Information
Status Alive
Alignment Fuck This
Appearances Sonic The Hedgehog
Sexual Orientation Pansexual
Physical Description
Species Hedgehog
Gender Male
Age 30
Hair Color Blue
Fur Color Blue
Feather Color
Eye Color Green
Height 3'3" (1.00 m)
Weight 77 lbs. (35 kg)
Breast Size
Power Level 120
Date Joined

"Sonic's the name, Speed's my game!"

Sonic the Hedgehog "The Hedgeiest Hog" is the fastest thing the world, capable of going faster the speed of sound and light with tiny help from steroids. Going fast is his purpose in life, speed is all he knows. It is unknown how he found such a calling, but it is known that he one day took something other than steroids.


The Blue Blur himself

After his child friendly image was ruined, Sonic's real personality began to slip out.

Sonic is a smug, annoying and loud mouthed egotist that talks down to anyone that isn't fast. His choice of the fast life has given him one fuck of an ego that only Amy Rose can stand.

He is also extremely aggressive and abrasive, often to the point of abuse, which is how he gets people to tag along with him on his adventures. Tails and Knuckles have both suffered mental illness from Sonic's abuse and later broke ties with him.

The only time he has seen to be nice was when he helped Tails out on his date, and he was SUCCessful.


Sonic at age 5

The 90s were the peak of Sonic's life, he was once a teen cultural icon adored by children everywhere. His job was to stop Dr. Robotnik or some generic Monster of the Week whenever the world was threatened. He recruited many allies like Tails and Knuckles, and even got to hang out with other big dogs like Donald Trump.

His popularity and success once rivaled that of Mario, leading to fierce competition between the two. But unfortunately, things began to go downhill for Sonic when some parts of his life went public.

Sex Life

Sonic is pansexual, ready to fuck anything. Whenever asked about these habits, Sonic will always say he doesn't have the time to check for a penis or anything that gives him a clue on what he's sticking his dick into. Leaked tapes of Sonic in a threesome with underage ponies are what began his downfall.

Today, Sonic assures the public he is now clean thanks to his newfound Bungholism faith. Many are calling bullshit.

Darth Sonic


Today, Knuckles is the communist dictator of eastern Europe, Tails works for Morshu, and Robotnik gave up on world domination. Sonic then resorted to shoplifting, he then shoplifted from Morshu's shop of horrors. He then had to fight Tails, after winning, Morshu sat on on Sonic.

Because of that, Sonic was in the hospital for two years. While in the hospital Sonic gave into the dark side and now is a sith lord thanks to The Coachman. He is now known as Darth Sonic, and was the apprentice of someone who's pure evil.

During that time, Sonic killed The Coachman with a light saber, in his last battle, and Weegee turned good. Sonic stayed upon the path of evil, and tried to kill Weegee. In his own empire. That failed, and he was permanently removed from the region.


As a celebrity and world traveller, Sonic met many friends and foes, big and small.

Miles "Tails" Prower

When Sonic needed an iconic best buddy character for merchandising, he met Tails at Hooters and invited the orange fox to join him on his quests.

One day, Tails was convinced to abandon Sonic and join Dr. Robotnik.


Though Sonic and Knuckles got off on the wrong foot when they met at Angel Island, they patched things up and became the most badass duo of the 90s. Sonic liked Knuckles better than Tails, but Knuckles' job of guarding the Master Emerald always seemed to get in the way.

Amy Rose

Sonic doesn't even remember when or where the two met, but since then she's been relentlessly stalking and pursuing him.

Dr. Eggman

Sonic and Dr. Eggman were once the fiercest of enemies, but as the years went by, their careers faded to the point where they now only see each other once a year at reunions.


After getting out of rehab and kicking the needle once and for all, his arm hair grew back, making him almost unrecognizable to his devoted fans. He was strapped for cash

Please don't stare in his eyes, it might be dangerous to your health.

and spent years living on the streets without support or contact with his friends. His shitty luck was made a little less shitty when Mario drove by in his limo and gave Sonic a job cleaning his bathrooms.

Sonic did get a lot money after releasing his new game Sonic Mania, but fell again as his retarded fans called it a "stupid rehash".


Thank you, Mr. Shoe-Haired Guy

"Holy shit! Josuke, look! There some ugly hedgehog in some warehouse! He look like his face has been filed down on boost pad, but damn, I think the movie is going to have a terrible review!"
– Okuyasu, reacting to Sonic's ugly design

After Super Smash Brothers Ultimate, Sonic found out that Nintendo got Pikachu his own movie and to make a lot of money of it, so the blue hedgehog threatened asked Hollywood and Sega to make a movie of him so he could have something to smoke eat. Unfortunately, little did Sonic know that some workers at Hollywood are also members of SCP Foundation, they transformed him into a mix between a hedgehog and that bunny of Illumination from that crappy movie. While the movie will come out in November, Sonic is stuck as the abomination he currently is until the movie is released. Luckily, Josuke is here to fix Sonic's design and causing the movie to delay at February 2020 on Valentine's Day.


  • I'm Sonic, Sonic the Hedgehog.
  • You're Too Slow!
  • C'mon, step it up!
  • Let's blast through with Sonic speed!

    Sonic smoking weed

  • Hey, we should do this again some time!
  • Too easy, piece of cake!
  • Oh yeah, this is good shit.
  • I'm hedgier than the average hog.
  • Let's shit!
  • What I really want is you..
  • Uh, meow?

See also

  • Sonic the Hedgehog/Relationships
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