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"Oh, no. I said, “steamed hams.” That’s what I call hamburgers."
– Seymour Skinner

Steamed Hams are an unforgettable meal purchased made by Principal Skinner. It all starts when Skinner invites Chalmers to an unforgettable luncheon, only to find his roast is ruined! "Oh, ye gods!" Realizing that he doesn't have time or resources to prepare anything else, he utters, "But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as his own cooking! Ho ho ho! Delightfully devilish, Seymour!" After warding Chalmers off with some isometric exercise and the promise of steamed clams (A much less tasty version of steamed hams), Skinner makes his move and runs off to Krusty Burger.

After that, he tells the Superintendent to be prepared for mouthwatering hamburgers. Chalmers, being the simpleton he is, tells Seymour he thought they were having steamed clams. Seymour corrects him by saying "Oh, No! I said steamed HAMS!" (That's what he calls hamburgers.) Chalmers is skeptical and asks him what regional dialect it is from. Skinner tells him it's from Upstate New York. Chalmers, being from Utica, tells Seymour he's never heard anyone use the phrase Steamed Hams. Skinner tells him it's actually an Albany expression. After eating the steamed hams for a bit, Chalmers remark that the hams are very similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger. Skinner gives it to him straight: It's an ooooooooooooold family recipe. Chalmers finds a flaw in Skinner's reasoning and asks why he calls his unforgettable luncheon steamed hams despite the fact that they're obviously grilled. Skinner stutters for a bit, before asking Chalmers to excuse him for a second. Skinner comes back out and tells him good times were had by all, and he's pooped. Chalmers said he should be going and "GOOD LORD, WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?!" Skinner tells him it's aurora borealis?! "At this time of year, at this time of day, and this part of the country, localised entirely within your kitchen?!" "Yes!" he replies. Chalmers asks if he may see it, but Skinner says no. As they're leaving, Seymour's mother Agnes yells to Seymour that the house is on fire. The crazy bitch should know it's just the northern lights. Before leaving Chalmers tells Seymour even though he's an odd fellow, he steams a good ham.

People who often eat Steamed Hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled

  • Seymour Skinner
  • Gary Chalmers

Video

Trivia

  • The two best Steamed Hams videos are "Steamed Hams But It's All Star" and "Steamed Hams, Inc." Scholars have debated whether the addition of the legendary fire engine siren would put "Steamed Hams, Inc." at a slight advantage or disadvantage, but so far, it is unclear.
ʸᵀᴾᴹᵛ_Steamed_Hams_Inc.-0

ʸᵀᴾᴹᵛ Steamed Hams Inc.-0

  • It's unclear as to why Skinner says he calls hamburgers "Steamed Hams" when Steamed Hams are actually much better than hamburgers.
    • Also, the Krusty Burger at Krusty Burger is the unhealthiest sandwich in the world, even more unhealthy than the Double Krusty Burger. In contrast, Steamed Hams do not shorten a person's lifespan like most fast food.
  • Steamed Hams aren't kosher, so many Jewish people will never get to experience the delicacy for themselves.