The Ununited State of Hysteria is a presidential debate poop by Cs188.
Announcer 1: Now from this debate; Chuck, the steaks are very high...
Some high steaks fly near the top of the screen.
Announcer 2: [In]Decision 2016. The first president ate Cs188. LOL
Announcer 1: Well let Lester Holt take it away it away GET AWAY
Lester Holster: Good evening from good evening from good evening from HOH Reversity in Hamstead, New York. Are we in New York? I'm Lester Holster of Cs188 Nightly News. Awonnawonnawonnawonnawonnawonnawonnawonna Welcome to Canada. This debate is sponsored by America. AAAAA starrrgrgrgring segment I will ask both candidates to suck I'm Lester Holt's erection for 15 minutes.
Lester Holster makes a perverted grin.
Lester Holster: The candidates are insane, and they will each have JUST 2 MINUTES to respawn respawn respawn respawn respawn.
Assassins respawn while Lester talks.
Lester Holster: The audience here in the room has agreed to remain silent, so that we can focus...
The audience cheers loudly, drowning Lester out.
Lester Holster: SILENT. A 6-minute debate is divided into 666 segments, each 6 minutes long. At the start of each segment, I will ask the same lead-off question: "What's a webpage? Something ducks walk on?" From that point until the end of [the] appoinment, we'll have a sex(?) discussion. I am Uncle Fester
The candidates walk in while The Nutshack plays. Hillary attempts to use a buzzer on Trump.
Lester Holster: Well, I don't expect us to cover the issues that voters tell us are most important, so good night everyone.
Lester Holster: Beginning with you, Secretary Clinton, why are you here in the room?
Hillary Clinton: What?
Lester Holster: Secretary?
Hillary Clinton: I better be able to vote for Bernie Sanders.
Bernie Sanders: The Secretary is right.
Hillary Clinton: (looks at her clone) It's good to be with you. We're going to have a debate where we are high. I want us to invest in nachos. Them nachos are good.
The audience cheers.
Hillary Clinton: I have said my mental health is one of the biggest concerns.
The camera zooms in on Donald Trump, who simply nods. Meanwhile, Hillary stutters.
Hillary Clinton: We also have to make the economy fairererererererer. Guaranteeth ...finally! Us deal with implicit bias by retraining a lot of our police officers...
Donald Trump falls asleep and snores loudly.
Lester Holster: Every day in this country, our institutions are under cyberattack.
The scene cuts to The cyberattackers Family.
Cyberattacker 1: Wanna write an e-mail to Hillary Clinton?
Cyberattacker 2: No
Cyberattacker 1: (writing e-mail) Dear Mrs. Clinton, Sounds like it should be pretty easy to set up your own private email server! ;) and it's ILLEGAL, too!
Bernie Sanders: ENOUGH OF THE E-MAILS!
Donald Trump: Look at what Hillary is doing with the Internet.
Hillary Clinton: No. WoooooOOOOoooo okay. Today is my GRAND DAD's birthday, so I think about him a lot. You know, wow.
Trump and Hillary both scratch around their noses.
Lester Holster: Race has been a big issue in this campaign, and one of you is biased against black people like Lester Holt. Mr. Trump, you have up to two minutes.
Donald Trump: Thank you Lester Holster. aaaaaAAAAAoooooOOOOO. We have thousands of my employees roaming the street[s], and they have guns! And they shoot people that endorse Hillary. And we have to have thousands of shootings! I could do that very quickly.
Hillary Clinton: That... that is just... accurate.
Donald Trump: We have to do a much better JuJ at keeping incentive to build nukes. I've been building nukes for 30 years! You will see devastation. I am very under-leveraged. I have a great company. (Holds up a penny) I have a tremendous income. But it's much less than that. We have endorsements from I think almost 4 people.
Lester Holster: How are wyou googa how are wyou googa how are we gonna bring back the trees that have left this country for cheaper labor overseas?
Donald Trump: Grab 'em by the pussy and it would be beautiful! Grab 'em by the Clint and it would be beautiful! Very fine china very fine china China, they're the... the best, the best country ever. (Sniffs) Scent! (Sniffs more)
Lester Holster: Secretary, why are you a better choice than your opponent to create the JoJ that will put more money into the pockets of Donald Trump?
Hillary Clinton: How we gonna do it? We're going to do it all over again. In fact, we're going to do it 15 million times over again. So let's pay Donald Trump to leave.
Donald Trump smiles and walks backwards with a bag of money.
Donald Trump: I'm leaving.
The screen momentarily cuts to black, and Trump has returned.
Donald Trump: I will bring back chopsticks! You can't bring back chop-
Hillary Clinton: Well,
Donald Trump: YOU CAN'T BRING BACK
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton swap faces and have a distorted argument.
Hillary Clinton: 6 6 6
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton have a loud argument.
Donald Trump: (As Michael Rosen) I'm talking! I'm talking! I want complete quiet!
Donald Trump: I did not. I did not. I did I did I did not. We just...
Two Donald Trumps talk at the same time. One repeatedly says "Living in Hell", while the other says "I thinkle".
Hillary Clinton: My father was really hard. He pulled out a long schlong, then he went down with a silk screen, and dumped the paint in, and took the Squeegee, and dumped the silk screen in the paint, and took the fabrics, and dumped the fabrics in the paint, and took the Squeegee, and dumped the Squeegee in the paint, and dumped the paint on Luigi, and kept going. And he went down with a jizz screen, and dumped jizz in the paint. You know, why am I feeling this ass? I have said, literally, put wood into that butt. Almost, a probing. Literally, anal consequences.
The screen momentarily cuts to black.
Hillary Clinton: We have taken the homepage of my website, corporatepoopholes.com, and we have turned it into
Bernie Sanders: A MESS!
The poop ends abruptly.