Tamatoa is the main protagonist of the 2016 film Moana. He is also an infamous crime Lord who runs the South neighborhood of Bikini Bottom.
He appears in many Schaffrillas YTPs.
Nobody is quite sure when Tamatoa was born. Legend has it that his parents were fucking during the most violent thunderstorm in history and that he was conceived then. Tamatoa did not have an easy childhood. His grandmother never bought him an X-box as a kid so when she suffered a stroke and was confined to a wheel chair he unplugged her life support, waited for her to die and then fried her with the other vegetables. It took him a whole week to eat her because she was so massive.
Tamatoa was bullied by the other children in crab-school because they deemed him unattractive. Tamatoa got the last laugh when a school fire severely burned and disfigured all his classmates and they were all sold to a freak show by their parents who disowned them for being ugly. His only classmates who were not horribly disfigured were Sebastian, Mr. Krabs and Lucile Crab. Tamatoa and Mr. Krabs constantly competed for Lucile's love. This was when Tamatoa first realized his passion for decorating himself with shiny shit. Tamatoa and Mr. Krabs had a Simp contest for Lucile and Mr. Krabs won. Tamatoa got his revenge by tricking Mr. Krabs into fucking Destiny. Pearl was born 9 months later and when Lucile found out she divorced Mr. Krabs, murdered Destiny and then killed herself. Mr. Krabs was then forced to raise Pearl by himself and Tamatoa went home a very satisfied Krab.
Tamatoa also had a younger brother named Crazy-Joe who he never paid attention to.
The Battle of 153 Armies
Tamatoa fought at the Battle of 153 Armies after his army of fish allied with Steve Irwin's Army of Crocs. Tamatoa promised Steve the Great Barrier Reef (which was part of his territory) in exchange for the alliance, knowing that Steve would want to protect the animals there. Tamatoa and Steve's armies survived, but no one knew who won the battle, so everyone just went home. However Tamatoa, true to his word, did give Steve the Great Barrier Reef as promised.
Tamatoa has since been involved with tons of drug racketeering and jewel robbing. He decorates himself with lots of shiny shit and has become one of the most famous underwater pimps and crime lords.
At some point he met up with Maui and fought him and probably won. He has been married at least 8 times. He is also known for running an illegal weapon distribution empire in Bikini Bottom. His most notable competitor in the illegal gun trade is Squidward Tentacles.
He is rumored to be planning a 2024 presidential run.
- Shiny Things
- Beating Maui's Ass
- Singing About How Great He Is
- Decorating Himself
- Making Money Off Drug Racketeering
- Being Flipped On His Back
- His Grandmother
- Spiderus (Briefly)
- Ratigan (Partner/deceased)
- Ferris Bueller (Former Customer in the Gun Trade)
- Steve Irwin (Deceased)