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The Big Fat Meanie Says So is an upcoming YouTube Poop being uploaded by coolcat001100 that is based on the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Doing Time".

Transcript

  • Questioning boy: Ganon, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?
  • Ganon: You DARE bring a Tootsie Pop to my lair!? You must DIE!
  • [Ganon kills the questioning boy with lightning]
  • Tootsie Pop promoter: How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? [crunch] The world may never know.
  • Announcer: Now we are back with more Shake It Up, on Disney Channel.
  • Painty: Are you ready, kids?
  • Spingebill: I'm ready! I'm ready!
  • CeCe and Rocky: Forever and always!
  • Painty: ♪Who lives in a Pineco under the sea?♪
  • Kids: SpongeBob!
  • Painty: ♪Absorbing and yellow and porous yellow and porous yellow and porous?♪
  • Kids: BobSponge PantsSquare!
  • [The Big Fat Meanie is panicking while Spingebill is in his driving test again and destroying shit, as usual]
  • Spingebill: I'm driving, Mrs. Puff! This is the one! This is the one! Come, on SpongeBob! Think! Think! Uhh... [destroys the lighthouse] Turn that way! Turn that way! D'oh! Turn that way! Right! Left! Oh no! No! [destroys the school building] Come on, don't ever do that! Come on! [a nuclear explosion is heard and a mushroom cloud appears] No! I'm ready! I can do this, Mrs. Puff! I can do it! I can do it!
  • [The boat flies through the entrance while driving, constantly destroying it, leading the fences falling down.]
  • Big Fat Meanie: The driving test is over, SpongeBob. Stop the boat!
  • Spingebill: Wait, I can do this, Mrs. Puff, I can do this!
  • Big Fat Meanie: The road, SpongeBob, get back on the road!
  • Spingebill: Gotta pass the test! Gotta pass!
  • [The Big Fat Meanie is screaming as the boat goes through a cart of watermelons]
  • Vendor: Hey! What've you got against the Coral Bitch?!
  • Big Fat Meanie: Look out!
  • Spingebill: [has a watermelon on his face] This must be the night driving part of the test. [scene cuts to two police officers using their nightsticks on something offscreen]
  • Officer Nancy: We're gonna straighten you out!
  • Officer Malley: This'll fix ya! [they grunt as they hit a parking meter until it's straight] Now let's get that one. [He points his nightstick at another crooked parking meter. Spingebill and the Big Fat Meanie drive by through a building, knocking it over.]
  • Officer Nancy: Barnacles, did you see that?!
  • Officer Malley: Yeah! That guy had no front license plate! Let's get him!
  • [Spingebill looks back at the numerous police cars chasing behind him]
  • Spingebill: Hey, look at all those police! I wonder if the president's in town.
  • Big Fat Meanie: Look out!
  • [The mayor is cutting a ribbon at the end of a bridge that is not finished]
  • Mayor: It is with great pride that I officially open this unfinished bridge!
  • [Spingebill drives through the ribbon before he cuts it. The crowd of people that are gathering around the mayor take pictures. Spingebill and the Big Fat Meanie do not make it on the other side of the bridge, so they fall to the bottom]
  • Big Fat Meanie: Where did I go wrong?! [flashback to the Big Fat Meanie's first day of boating school] With the opening of my new boating school, I pledge that as long as a student is willing to learn, I shall never give up.
  • [Spingebill walks up to her]
  • Spingebill: Hi, I'm SpringBoob SquirePins.
  • [scene cuts back to the Big Fat Meanie, who is still screaming. Scene then shows a retirement home where a fish in a white coat is yelling at a truck]
  • Fish: Hurry up with that truckload of fruit punch! The seniors are getting cranky!
  • [The fish looks up and notices Spingebill and the Big Fat Meanie crashing into the truck. After crashing, the Big Fat Meanie inflates and becomes big and round with a deep voice]
  • Big Fat Meanie: Oh, SpongeBob, why?
  • Officer Nancy: [offscreen] Freeze, you're under arrest!
  • [Police officers grab Spingebill]
  • Spingebill: No! What are you doing? Help! Help! [As the officers carry him to the jail vehicle, he kicks his legs.] No, no, please! I have a snail to feed! I can't go to jail now! This is not a good time! No, please, please! I'm not a criminal!
  • [They throw him into the back of the police car and then drive off]
  • Big Fat Meanie: [thinking] I can't believe it. I'm not going to jail!
  • Officer Malley: Why would you go to jail? You already did your time. [zoom out to reveal the Big Fat Meanie in wearing prison striped clothes with a ball chained to her ankle. She deflates herself by screaming as the scene goes back to her screaming while the boat is in mid-air]
  • Spingebill: I can pass the test, Mrs. Puff! I can pass the test!
  • [The boat crashes into the truck full of punch, knocking it over. The Big Fat Meanie inflates again].
  • Big Fat Meanie: [manly voice] Oh, SpongeBob, why?
  • Officer Malley: Freeze! Your joyride's over, punk.
  • Spingebill: What?! Now?! You can't!
  • Officer Nancy: We're not talking about you.
  • [scene cuts to the Big Fat Meanie wearing a prison uniform, being locked up in jail]
  • Big Fat Meanie: But I don't belong here! It's all a big mistake!
  • Prisoner 1: Yeah, I don't belong here, either!
  • Prisoner 2: Me, too! I'm innocent!
  • Prisoner 3: [yelling in a butch Southern drawl] I belong here! Yeehaw!
  • [This triggers some other prisoners to complain about their not belonging here too. The Big Fat Meanie walks over and sits down on the bed]
  • Big Fat Meanie: Okay, you can do this, Big Fat Meanie. You can get through this without losing your sanity. Oh, that's a road we don't want to go down again. Positives. Think of the positives. Let's see...it was all a dream. I've got no more papers to grade. Yeah! [laughs then jumps to the floor] In fact, no more work. No more boating school classes. No more driving, no more SpongeBob... [the Big Fat Meanie's brain clicks and a sonar ping is heard] ...No more Robbie Rotten, no more SpongeBob! No more Steamed Hams, no more SpongeBob! [gets into bed] ...No more road rage, no more SpongeBob! No more The Sheeps, no more SpongeBob! No more SpongeBob! [laughing] No more SpongeBob! [screaming maniacally] No more SpongeBob! [sighs] I think I'm going to like this place.
  • [scene cuts to the Krusty Krab, with Spingebill the only one in the restaurant]
  • Spingebill: Class just isn't the same without Mrs. Puff. Just the thought of her alone and afraid in jail makes me think about her being alone and afraid in jail. I don't know how she's going to survive.
  • [scene cuts to the Big Fat Meanie with a happy expression]
  • Big Fat Meanie: [hums while breaking rocks. Scene cuts to her making license plates] ♪Smelling the pretty roses, whoo hoo hoo.♪ [scene cuts to her lifting weights] ♪Haaapiness is just two kinds of ice creeeeam!♪
  • [cuts back to Spingebill]
  • Spingebill: Oh, that poor woman. And it's all my fault. Maybe if I go talk to Patrick, he can ease my guilt.
  • Narrator: 7:59 a.m.
  • [We cut to the outside of Potrock's rock]
  • Potrock: Well, it sounds like it's all your fault.
  • Spingebill: Oh, you're right! Mrs. Puff's in jail and it's all because of me! I'm such a barnacle head! [Potrock takes one of his dots and puts it in the place of where his nose would be if he had one] Poor Mrs. Puff. I know, I gotta get her out! But to get her out of jail, first we gotta get in jail.
  • Potrock: How are we gonna do that?
  • [scene cuts to the First Nautical Bank]
  • Spingebill: Alright, put the money in the bag! [SpongeBob is in the bank, wearing a sock over his head, with a bag in his hands, facing the wrong way. He yells] Put it in!
  • Bank Teller: Will that be from your savings or your checking account, sir?
  • Spingebill: Uhh, savings.
  • Bank Teller: May I please see some identification?
  • Spingebill: Sure. [takes out a card and gives it to the bank teller] Here ya go.
  • Bank Teller: Thank you. [Spingebill's Jellyfishers Club Membership card is shown. As the bank teller types on the cash register, Spingebill lifts up the sock on his head and gives Potrock a thumbs up] Sir, we are showing a balance of zero dollars and zero cents for both of your accounts.
  • Spingebill: Oh.
  • Bank Teller: Next!
  • Spingebill: Well, that went better than expected.
  • Potrock: Yeah! I didn't think we'd get Mrs. Puff out of jail this fast!
  • [Spingebill gets steaming mad and roars like Rex the Dinosaur. We cut to Spingebill and Potrock disguised as yellow and pink rocks, respectively]
  • Spingebill: Don't worry, Patrick, we'll get into jail this time.
  • [A truck full of rocks drives up]
  • Fish: Hey, there's a couple.
  • [The fish gets out and throws the two rocks in the truck]
  • Guard: Put your back in it, girls!
  • [Women prisoners are crushing rocks outside. The truck arrives and unloads more rocks.]
  • Spingebill: Look, Patrick, there she is! [both jump over to the Big Fat Meanie where she is about to hit them] Mrs. Puff, wait, it's us, SpongeBob and Patrick!
  • Big Fat Meanie: That's funny. For a second, I thought that yellow rock talked to me. And its voice sounded a lot like SpongeBob.
  • Spingebill: Mrs. Puff, it's me, SpongeBob. [The Big Fat Meanie screams as she throws the pickaxe behind her] We're gonna bust you out of here. C'mon, Mrs. Puff!
  • [The Big Fat Meanie starts shaking]
  • Big Fat Meanie: It's you. What are you doing here? Why did you follow me in here? Why?!
  • [one of the guards walks up, with the Big Fat Meanie's pickaxe in his head]
  • Guard #1: Alright, Mrs. Puff, it seems like this heat's gone to your head. If you're gonna talk to rocks, I guess it's time for you to go on kitchen duty.
  • Big Fat Meanie: Yes, it must be the heat. Yes.
  • [The Big Fat Meanie walks off.]
  • Spingebill: Dammit! D'oh! [unintelligible swearing] Oh, to Hell with this! Okay, Patrick, let's get out of here. [a woman prisoner walks over] No, wait! [she smashes the two rocks into pieces] There goes our deposit on these costumes.
  • [scene cuts to lunchtime where the Big Fat Meanie is serving chili to the prisoners.]
  • Big Fat Meanie: There you are. [A woman, with a deep voice, walks up to Mrs. Puff]
  • Donna: Hey there, Puff Mama. What's today's grub?
  • Big Fat Meanie: Hi, Donna. It's me, the Big Fat Meanie, same as always. Let me get you some chili.
  • [The Big Fat Meanie scoops up Spingebill's nose]
  • Spingebill: Hey, Mrs. Puff? Over here! Come on, take a seat, put your feet up and relax.
  • Big Fat Meanie: When are these horrific hallucinations going to end?
  • [Spingebill gets out of the chili]
  • Spingebill: No, it's really me! [pulls Potrock up out of the chili] I brought Patrick along too.
  • Potrock: Hi.
  • Big Fat Meanie: Why?
  • Spingebill: 'Cause we're gonna set you free!
  • Big Fat Meanie: Why'd you bring him?
  • [Potrock eats some chili and farts]
  • Spingebill: He likes chili. [makes a rectangle-shaped entrance in the chili] Now quick, get in before someone sees.
  • Big Fat Meanie: SpongeBob, I am not going with you.
  • Spingebill: But why?
  • Big Fat Meanie: Because the Big Fat Meanie said so.
  • Spingebill: [laughs] That's a good one, Mrs. Puff. Now hop in. Come on!
  • Potrock: SpongeBob, I think she means it.
  • Spingebill: Oh, that's crazy, Patrick.
  • Big Fat Meanie: He's right, SpongeBob. I'm staying.
  • Spingebill: But why?
  • Big Fat Meanie: I like it here. These are my people! [cut to a shot of some angry, gruff-looking woman prisoners and a gorgeous woman from Fastlane: Road to Revenge named Kandice] And besides, if I'm in here, that means I won't have to deal with yooou... [We see Spingebill sad. He is sniffling as a single teardrop falls from his eye] ...uranium... bombs! In the water supply. [she whips out a glass of water] See? Crystal clear! [she guzzles the water and tosses away the glass] Aahhhh!
  • [A nuclear explosion is heard and a mushroom cloud appears]
  • Spingebill: Excuse us for just one second, Mrs. Puff. [to Potrock] Patrick, she has lost it! She's completely institutionalized. She's forgotten what it's like to live on the outside. To not be in prison. [We cut to CeCe Jones in a red bottle costume at the food court at the Lakefield Mall in Chicago with four doctors and a woman costumed as Dr. Lott's Pimple B. Gone. They squeeze CeCe while she is standing in a pose, leading the costume's cap spraying confetti. Scene cuts back to Spingebill and Potrock] We've got to remind her that there is a life other than this. Mrs. Puff, if you come with us, I'll stay after school and decorate the whole classroom.
  • Big Fat Meanie: For the last time, no! [Spingebill and Potrock disappear inside the chili as a guard walks up] I'm not going with you! That's final! [notices the guard] Oh. [laughs nervously]
  • Guard #1: Talking to inanimate objects again, huh, Puff? Hmph. Get back to your cell. No more kitchen time for you.
  • [The Big Fat Meanie walks off sad. Spingebill and Potrock watch her. Scene cuts to the Big Fat Meanie burning coal into wire hangers until Spingebill and Potrock come down the conveyor belt]
  • Splodge: Quick, Mrs. Puff, hop on!
  • Big Fat Meanie: Splodge, I am not going with you.
  • [The Big Fat Meanie pushes the level down, squishing Splodge, which fills the room with steam. Scene cuts to the Big Fat Meanie brushing her teeth. Seymour Skinner and Superintendent Chalmers come up from the toilet]
  • Skinner: Psst! [the Big Fat Meanie screams] I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.
  • Big Fat Meanie: Skinner, I'm staying.
  • [The Big Fat Meanie flushes the toilet. We cut to the Big Fat Meanie in her bed. Skinner and Chalmers peek from the top bunk]
  • Spingebill: I hope you're prepared for mouthwatering hamburgers.
  • Big Fat Meanie: Guards, guards! They're back!
  • [The two guards walk up.]
  • Guard #1: What's all the hubbub, Puff?
  • Big Fat Meanie: They're back!
  • [The guards remove their heads showing them as Spingebill and Potrock]
  • Spingebill & Potrock: Mrs. Puff, it's us!
  • [Spingebill and Potrock both wink and give her a thumbs up. The Big Fat Meanie screams and cries as the real two guards run up]
  • Guard #1: What the fuck is going on?
  • Big Fat Meanie: Get away from me! Get away!
  • Guard #1: What are you talking about, Puff?
  • Big Fat Meanie: You can't fool me! You're SpongeBob and Patrick. [rips off the guards' heads, showing them as CeCe and Rocky]
  • CeCe: Let's face it, Puff, you've gone off the deep end.
  • [scene cuts to the guards throwing the Big Fat Meanie, who is in a straitjacket, in a small square room]
  • Guard #1: Get in there, you! You need a nice long stay in solitary confinement! [slams the door, which makes a squeaking sound]
  • Big Fat Meanie: Oh well. Let's look at the positives again. I'm finally away from those two. Yes. All alone in my nice, soft room.
  • Splodge: Made of Splodge!
  • [Splodge laughs. The room is made of Splodge as the kangaroo appears on all sides of the wall. The Big Fat Meanie vows revenge.]
  • Big Fat Meanie: For the last time, no! I'm not going with you! That's final!

Trivia

  • The Big Fat Meanie inflates and has a deep voice. That's what happens when she and Spingebill crash into a truck loaded with fruit punch.
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